The double-murder case in Lititz, Pa. - 18-year-old David Ludwig charged with shooting the parents of his secret girlfriend, Kara Beth Borden, a 14-year-old he met in their Christian homeschooling network - has provoked more than speculation about the Nov. 13 incident itself.

You monitor them, you stay observant, you lead by example, "but what if it's not enough?" Roth asked. "I guess you just never know. That's the scary part."

Zach Acox, who went to school with the oldest of the five Borden children and has set up a trust fund for the family, said the Bordens were loving, supportive, and "devoted" to their children.

Michael Borden, who worked at a scientific publisher in Ephrata, Pa., was an elder and a popular Sunday school teacher at his evangelical Plymouth Brethren church. Cathryn was educating the family's three school-age children, including Kara Beth, who baby-sat, was a fan of Christian rock bands and loved to play soccer. The parents had laid down the law regarding Kara Beth dating Ludwig, whom they considered too old.

Like the Bordens, the Ludwigs - commercial pilot Gregory and teacher-homemaker Jane - were involved in their church. Their son David, who lived at home, was into dirt-biking, had recently trained as an emergency medical technician, and worked at the local Circuit City, where a co-worker said he joked around and read his Bible during breaks.

Hunting, popular in Lancaster County, was a family affair. On Ludwig's Web log, photos labeled "Hunting 2004" showed him proudly standing next to his kill and smiling adults eating dinner in a rustic kitchen.

But what else was going on in Kara Beth Borden's and David Ludwig's lives? As evidence in the Lititz case mounts, disquieting details have surfaced.

Borden, known to Internet buddies as KareBear, was sneaking out at night to engage in a sexual relationship with Ludwig. And Ludwig had access to an extensive array of guns. Police confiscated 54 from his parents' home after the Bordens were slain.

There were disturbing postings on Web logs. On Ludwig's computer, police said they found images of Borden "in various stages of undress" and a video of Ludwig and a friend as they planned an armed raid on an unidentified residence.

If their parents had no idea, neither did lots of Borden's and Ludwig's peers. Many of the youths' associates say they had no inkling of the dark currents in their friends' lives. Others had hints - an online confidante warned Borden, "things are getting out of hand" - but didn't tell any adults.

Therein lies one of the problems related to youth violence, said James Garbarino, a psychology professor at Loyola University Chicago who investigated the Columbine killings.

Statistics, however, don't bear that out. Garbarino cited a national post-Columbine survey that asked teens whether they would alert anyone if an acquaintance said he was going to commit a murder. Sixty percent said no.

Teenagers don't even tell on themselves. At Cornell University, where he was head of the Family Life Development Center, Garbarino did a study of female students and found that one-third had been so depressed in high school that they had considered suicide. To his astonishment, he said, 80 percent of the girls said their parents had no idea.

Kids keeping secrets "is one of the biggest ingredients here," Garbarino said. "Until we make progress on that, we're not going to make a dent" in youth violence.

"You just hope," said psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler, author of "Stressed-Out Girls," that "whatever they keep secret is benign enough that it's not going to be hurtful."

Kids learn to obfuscate early in life, Garbarino said. Mom goes downstairs to check the laundry, the child feeds the tuna sandwich he doesn't like to the dog, and Mom never knows.

The way to have a "self-disclosing" child, Garbarino said, is to convince the child early on that "nothing you could do or say or think would make me stop loving you."

Some wonder whether the Internet and cell phones give children more places to hide. A family acquaintance said the Bordens took away Kara Beth's Internet service when they discovered her relationship with Ludwig months ago. Apparently it had been restored. Friends of Borden's and Ludwig's said the couple stayed in touch via cell phone text messages and computer instant messages, both difficult to monitor.

"If kids are determined to be secret ... they are able to do so much better than previous generations," said Cohen-Sandler, who maintains a practice in Connecticut. "Parents used to answer the home phone and they knew who their kids were talking to."

Sites such as Xanga, where Borden, Ludwig and many of their friends spilled their thoughts, present a weird contradiction: The place for private musings is a public forum, yet many parents are unaware their children are participating or lack the passwords to remain vigilant.

Dan Alban, the youth pastor at Hope Community Church in Willow Grove, Pa., said members of his youth group have blogs on Xanga, and they "know I read them. It's a window into their minds and what's going on in their lives."

Garbarino attributes children's alternate universes not so much to technology as to popular culture - violent imagery on TV and in movies, an "extremely explicit" level of sexuality, an erosion in adult authority and more. The norm has become so extreme, he said, that it's hard to know what behavior is an indicator of trouble.

Asked whether he would ever date a 14-year-old, Warwick senior Matthew Hachey, 18, looked baffled. Finally, he offered, "It's kind of odd. That's a pretty big gap."

But Alban thinks it happens more often than it once did. Girls may relate better to older boys because their less mature male peers "are still into cooties," he said.

Cohen-Sandler, however, sees a more sinister motive. Among the reasons for an 18-year-old man being interested in a 14-year-old: "Being able to control someone? Thinking, and correctly so, that he's going to be with a girl who's not going to be able to say no?"

Such a relationship, she said, is a sign that the girl "really craves attention. ... A girl who feels good, who knows herself, who feels accepted by her peers, doesn't have a need to subject herself to an older boy."

They get to know the families of their children's friends and call parents to verify supervision at parties. They limit Internet time, they listen, they watch.

For Rob Allen, father of 17-year-old Keara, a senior at Manheim Center High in Lancaster County, the Borden-Ludwig case reinforced "that you need to continually monitor what they're doing, continually know who their friends are and continually pay attention to what's going on."

Meg Knudson of Skippack, Pa., mother of a 14-year-old girl, tries to find the "balance between how you teach them and how you restrict them. Teach them so they can make an informed decision."

Sharon Yezdimir of Horsham Township, who homeschooled two daughters and has a 16-year-old in public school, stresses moral fundamentals. The Lititz case, she said, is "causing me to do a little assessment. What needs to be shored up?"

The case also reminds her that she needs to "be available and really hear" her daughter. "I'm an observer," Yezdimir said. "It wears on her at times. I observe and listen to the nonverbal."

"I definitely think they should start early on," said Keara Allen, not "all of a sudden barge in on their teenager's life. Something as simple as asking about how their day was would be a good idea."

Jeremy Hopkins, 17, of Dresher, Pa., a senior at St. Joseph's Preparatory School, has some privacy. But the fact that they ask where he's going, who he'll be with and still call other parents from time to time to check is OK, he said.

This is cache, read story here